Im a woman, but it my now-husbands family had treated me even 10% this badly, literally committed crimes against me they could be charged with criminally, I would not have continued dating him, much less married into his family. I know at least two adult males who go by Timmy lmao. Same here. You should have stopped this at the very least when they slashed his tires, but even before then, the idea that they need to test his manliness is infantilizing, misogynistic, and toxic as hell. Who wins out of this? AITA for uninviting my stepdad from my wedding so my brothers could come? I read her family slashed his tires and I was thinking this man is a saint for continuing to try with this family. Or, go rogue - cancel the wedding and elope. Someone questioning their own sanity and ability to differentiate between harmful bullying and harmless Pranking. Id tolerate an event with lots of people where they were there but I didnt have to speak to them. You absolutely are TA for letting this go on for so long. Also, ask them in case of your fiancs asthma getting worse medically if he would have been rushed to hospital which one of them would be manly enough to cover all the bills and charges. Having a chronic condition doesn't make you less of a man. No adult man named Tim wants to be called Timmy. Were I Tim Id be rethinking marrying you. Imagine what more they will do now just for revenge. Its a messy situation and it will most likely be a rocky marriage as your family set the tone for it with their nonsense trying to test your partners manliness. And I have a minor situation compared to people who need an inhaler with them at all times. They could have killed him. I don't know a single man that does those supposed "challenges". You wouldnt hide someones epipen or insulin. Ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and I'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. Id tell them since they suck so much at life they can sit at the house and play pranks on one another and if mommy wants to get involved, she can sit her ass at the house with them as well. They slashes his tires and you did what? Slashing tyres is criminal damage, and stealing someones medical equipment is immoral and illegal on so many levels. NTA, and honestly I'd go no contact until they grow the fuck up. They fucked up. However, it should have happened much sooner. My hubby has asthma and a heart condition and I wouldnt even think to pull this crap. NTA but uninviting them to the wedding is the bare minimum response. NTA. She sounds like shes been seething. Go no contact. OP is fucking tim over by the numbers by waffling. This should be the top comment. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. Good thing I was completely serious and not sarcastic at all. Assholes are assholes who deserves to get cut out of your life. This!!! Get out or get on board. You don't hide someone's medication from them that helps them breathe when they need it. You're right to make a stance. It's theft. Your male family members seem to think petty crime is pranking. Tell your mom she's welcome to join them leaving your wedding as well. If anyone is ever looking for an example, this might as well be it. Your family's version of what a "real man" is, is twisted. For making it my hill to die on or am I exaggerating? Look, it's just like those 'allergy' people. Its bullying. Slashing tires and deliberately hiding people's life-saving medications are not pranks - hold your ground and keep them out! Zero percent chance theyd do any of this to someone who could actually take them. Cut those degenerates out of your life! How he didnt dip after that I just dont understand. fast forward to yesterday, she messages me telling me to sell the tickets because she got better seats. At what point during his asthma attack would they be able to tell if he was being soft or if it was real? Thank you for writing this so that I didnt have to. You should have prioritised your fiance earlier. I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my SO. Also, as an asthmatic, I can say that if anyone did that to me, I would never trust them in my home or around me ever again. Why didnt OP put a stop to this years ago and go NC with these idiots? Pff too easy. He deserves a medal for that. Either hire security or elope. Or messes with someones health as a prank? I demanded they stop, but dad said this is just typical stuff men challenge each others with and said that I was ruining the fun. The spelling errors are driving me insane. And it sounds like typically the women enable it. I literally freaked out because I definately want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and I tried talking to them but they were being stubborn, after talking to my fiance I had no choice but to politely uninvite my stepdad and sending him an email stating why. Mom's an asshole too for joining them instead of condemning this absolutely unacceptable treatment. Mom needs to be told to butt out or shes next to be banned. I went to a wedding where the lady getting married had her birth mom, first stepmom, and second stepmom. Vandalisim at the very least? Your former lack of imposing boundaries is concerning and has led to this life threatening situation. I, 22f, and my dad have had a tumultuous relationship for the last 5 years. Tires are expensive where Im from, so that would be an expensive prank for the victim. OP, if you don't protect your future husband from that disgusting behaviour, you don't deserve him. Growing up i was a daddy's girl, I was his password, wallpaper and profile picture child. The question you need to be asking is why are these sociopaths even a part of your life? Nta for uninviting them, because its Tim's wedding too and I wouldn't want people at my wedding who might abuse me. Arent we trying to advocate for mens mental health? But stay strong. "Like real men. They're immature little boys who believe they have to pretend to be tough so they don't get laughed at. Ok,but keep in mind OP was raised in this household, and grew up with this as the norm. Slashing tires isnt a prank. Its destruction of private property and vandalism. Yeah that's why I normally use it in any situation where I type sarcasm. Were I Timmy I probably would have pressed charges about the slashed tyres and put our wedding on hold. Point out your brother as an example of how they have failed. It's not funny and it never will be. If my fianc dumps my to escape my fam I would hate myself for the rest of my days. To not breathing. Not everyone here is a native English speaker, so it's a bit unfair to expect everyone to be able to infer tone from a block of text, Yea I got it but tbf it sounds like the OPs family think this was unironically so on posts like these I do think it's more needed than not. Therapy can help too. Enough people in general for today. What about Tim feels any respect for him? OP if you see this have your fiance go slash each and everyone of their tires and when they inevitably freak out throw the prank back right in their face."WhAT He WaS JuSt pRaNkInG aNd TeStInG yOuR "MaNhOoD": these family members are just pure evil and have no respect for either of you. NTA but you wont be if you dont take drastic measures to ensure this bullying stops. What about your future child if you have a boy? # redditAITA #redditgermaphobe #entitledpeople 0:00 Intro 0:40 Story 1 and her Mom Is a no better. Everything that came before is bad enough but people DIE from asthma. The fact that your dad said that he would apologize if he "had to" is disturbing. He needs that to live! As a life long asthmatic I could never, ever, forgive someone who hid my inhaler and you are awesome for having your fiancs back. I think OP should have shut this nonsense down before the inhaler "prank" ever happened, and I'm almost inclined to consider her the AH for that reason alone. Im surprised Timmy stuck around for as long as he did. They literally slashed his tires? All they're doing is alienating you and your man from the rest of the family. They punch down, not up. OP, it sounds like the men in your family are jerks and hoping your future husband wont disrupt their dysfunction. Also I hope this doesn't take the shine off your wedding OP, and remember that day is about making two people happy, nobody else. I had a fever of 102 by the time he got the boot. And these pranks and challenges are NOT typical men stuff. NTA. I told him no because I need to go to work. Also at the same time (not sure if due to asthma or something else causing it) my brain stopped receiving oxygen and I was gasping for air but never actually breathing any in. Leaving the inhaler is potentially life threatening!!!! Youre NTA but you will be if you force your future husband to be around them. But my point stands that this is gaslighting and the AHs are so obvious its painful. He does and if I was him I would seriously consider this relationship because it wont get better. Be sure to throw in about how they are sissies and not very manly for not making it through this simple challenge without help. Rip out the engines with a crane/lift and angle-grinder, to see if they fix it themself or they are lazy people.. That's idiotic. And maybe, just maybe your dad and other family members involved will get some personal growth out of this and grow up to be a proper men. I don't know how mild/severe his asthma is. My siblings have disowned me and speak badly about me and the situation. NTA. They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler. Throwawayfamily976 29040 S x 9 G 2022-03-11 11:41:21 I advise you to go NC with your family. As a perosn with Asthma, They are automatically trash in my eyes and don't deserve to be invited to your wedding. Im not speaking from hyperbole here. I know I'd be done after the tire slashing incident. Send them this article. Youre 3 god damn it! I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. They can be the sweetest people, but they are also the most judgemental and mean to the point I have a screwed up perspective of "teasing" due to them. He stole my moms car a few times and stole from me. Timmy didn't drive the wedge between you and your family. At same time, I'm sorry Op, if I was Tim, I might rethink about marriage to your family, your family is asshole. Shes just found her breaking point to realizing its not and her soon to be husband was the person who showed her. Not ok. Also this went way too far. reddit, would i be the asshole if i uninvited her? Theyve shown theyre committed enough to this to endanger another persons life, no one should be doing anything with the expectation theyre going to have a sudden change of heart and develop empathy. The mom is completely off-base. This wasn't a prank. You have a right to remove your father from your life for what he's done. Slashing tires? "We just wanted to see if he would be able to save himself with no brakes, because if he can't he clearly isn't a manly man like us". madera county sheriff log 2022 cigna stock price history; hornby r3207. They disrespected the college boy. Do they realize that your fiance could have died? She's from a family of AHs, and she's bordering on it herself for not doing a hard shut-down sooner. I suggest you tell them that you understand that they're intimidated by someone with a real education and who idea of fun isn't dumb jock humour but that you move beyond such immature behaviour and they're out of your life altogether until they apologise to TIM and if they ever "prank" him again they out for ever. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: i am thinking about uninviting my sister from my mothers birthday dinner because she abruptly left me to go to the concert with someone else. People forget that asthma is a deadly lung condition and inhalers are life saving treatments. Its just a joke is just the typical response to make it seem less harmful and make the victim out to be exaggerating. for months. Basically is he a good person and are you happy in the relationship. Men are less likely to seek out mental healthcare, and having much higher rates of completing suicide. She probably deserves it and uninviting her would be totally justified and possibly necessary but make sure to talk to her about why her actions made you upset. Im sorry but the men in your life sound like misogynist AHs, leave them in the dust where they belong. Destroying his property to make a point? These are not pranks. I do wonder why he said yes to taking a trip with these dangerous people. Truth is Timmy no longer feels comfortable being around them so this is saying something but he says he doesn't want to drive a wedge between me and my family. Yup. Thats a lifesaving (in some cases) medication. NTA. You are absolutely correct, there is a big difference between prancing and bullying, and OPs family is on the wrong side of that gap. NTA. His entire family has disowned me and they're all blocked on my phone after sending me awful messages. Or the panic and other feelings all together when you feel you cant breathe. Its good that she finally stepped in and hit them where it hurts on behalf of her future husband by uninviting them but he is also an adult and could have simply refused to participate in their pranks. What is going to happen if you have kids? Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? Since I assume none of them are medical professional, how exactly where they planning on testing his asthma? Personally I would go no contact with dad and let him lay in the bed he made. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. Honestly, it is astounding that Tim is still with LW. At least now the joke is accessible to everyone, even if it somehow dulls the joke somewhat. Cool flex I guess? My husbands tires would cost 500-600 per tire, so we would be out 2000 at least if we had issues with all 4 at the same time. Im surprised Tim didnt break up with her over it. I have to give him props but at least he realized it was going too far. They are driving a wedge. NTA but you should have cut your family off long ago. I would leave them uninvited and strongly consider NC for the future. I cant imagine how they will treat your kids. Sounds like your family is jealous that he's college educated. NTA, Damn, well said! This is seriously so fucked up. Then NC. Your cousi, brother, uncle and dad are TA for what they have done. YNTA. Learning good boundaries and keeping them is key. They've done that to you too. Honestly.. ESH except for your fianc because you let them abuse him for so long. Maybe to you. NTA. Oh gotcha, that makes much more sense then. I assumed that was a duh kind of question. Because they'll show up to the wedding and proclaim themselves as MeN tHaT aRe Up FoR tHe ChAlLeNgE. NTA by far. These are not funny pranks, these are "how much will you take?" Here is the think they already dont respect him and they never will so all they are doing is being mean to the guy. You know what that shit is? Blood relations dont necessarily need to be your family. It's past time for you to stand up for yourself and him. The doctor in the hospital decided I was just a drug seeker. eversince my fiance (Tim 23) and I got engaged, my cousin, brother, dad and uncle joked about running some 'tests' to see what "type" of man Tim is. Someone should teach these men a lesson. Dude couldve died. Perfect response, thisnis what I would say. I agree. Jesus. Fast forward to my graduation. In reality, I was suddenly unable to breathe at all. Amen. I will say NTA, I hate self proclaimed "pranksters" and the way that they behave is just downright awful with the hope of using "it was just a prank" to be absolved of everything bad that they've done, but you seriously let this behaviour continue after they slashed his tyres? You joke, but men let their toxic/insecure masculinity come between them and lifesaving healthcare. Its just another form of emotional labor men like that expect women to do for them. I've had male coworkers of a certain age come to work with unrelenting chest pain. Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak". I seriously wonder what kind of testosterone hell OP had to deal with growing up. At this point, I'd be uninviting mom too. This should go for anyone who defend them as well. Just not worth the hassle for someone who won't even bother standing up for you until your life is in danger. However, she doesn't like her either. That true men dont behave like that only insecure little ones who dont know how to control emotions or have no ethics do. Right. NTA, this is horrible. Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I think the inhaler thing was just the last straw. NTA and it sounds like youre not gonna miss much with their absence at your wedding! I doubt anyone here would find the choice so easy if they got stuck with it either. NTA. That means OP figured it out themselves. Tim has to proof himself to nobody except maybe you and since you choose him I assume he's proven himself. They are POSs. Yet I still had a feeling something would happen when it came to my wedding. Destroying property too? They committed destruction of property at the very least. They are all stupid creeps. Untreated asthma attacks have long lasting consequences (I have asthma and can attest). Ask them who was going to be the one to explain to his family if he died. Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. Indeed and "it's just stuff men do..' No, no it isn't. Thats some psycho shit. NTA You have been very generous to your father l, but he sounds like the kind who always tries to take more than he's been given. Pranking is meant to be HARMLESS fun. this is wildly inappropriate at best, and really not funny. Nta. . Sounds like you have a choice to make. Especially if they dont believe his asthma and hid his inhaler till it was too late?? NTA- for un-inviting your dad, cousin, brother, and uncle from your wedding. YTA for allowing it to get this far. It really fucking is. Her future husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes no longer participating in their ridiculous tests. Can he forgive them? were not shunning her. NTA! From one person whos been through this to another, thank you for having the courage to step back and stop the cycle. They are bullying. A part of me wants you to send that guy flowers with a card that says "Sorry for your loss." NTA. Men don't do this. Bygones can't be bygones until the situation has been resolved. And if you ever have kids then keep them away from this shit show! NTA its bullshit toxic masculinity, men do not test each other like this unless they have frail egos themselves. He was not working and she had just retired from the military. Throughout high school I didnt live with my mom or spend as much time with her as I shouldve,which I feel bad about now. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. the stuff in the first paragraph was bullying but hiding his inhaler? I had an cousin die from cancer because he waited for the tumor that was visible to get so large and spread before getting to the doctor. Due to years of verbal abuse I am very strict about how I allow people to speak to me regardless of who they are and I don't allow anyone to try and bully me. What they did could have KILLED your fianc. There's plenty of air, he should just breathe. If you dont draw a line in the sand their nasty toxic behaviour (so called pranks) will never end. Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. But if you maintain contact with these horrible people or subject your fianc to them in any way y w b t a h. Nope, it would be BANHAMMER from me. I want the uncle to argue it was just a prank to a judge. Im on the road at 3:30am in NYC so mass transit isnt safe at that time. Also, ask them in case of your fiancs asthma getting worse medically that he needed to be rushed to hospital which off them would be manly enough to cover all the bills and charges. Family stands together always is a toxic line and enables further toxicity. There is archaeological evidence which suggests that Neanderthals cared for their relatives with health problems: Neanderthals would be disgusted by this behaviour. "AITA for letting my family bully my fiance to a point of endangering his mental and physical health?". After I graduated my mom and I repaired our relationship and now are best friends. I was hospitalized and they were draining fluid from around my lungs (?). Psychopaths. That's some courage, at 22. Hes definitely a better person than me because I cannot imagine caring for someone who didnt cut off their family after the first couple incidents of bullying. I wouldve called it quits way before the inhaler incident. They've shown they aren't capable, loving, supportive people. NTA, your username is more accurate than you may even realize. I was living with them and did what he wanted. Any children you have could possibly be in danger from them, too. Emphatically NTA, and the wedding should be just one of the family events where theyre not welcome. The next step would be giving him flowers that set off his asthma. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Dad is flat out saying he will never respect OPs husband. You're totally right, they were finding out if they could judge him over being a "brainwashed liberal commie" is the vibe I'm getting. Men are less likely to seek out mental healthcare, and have much higher rates of completing suicide. You have already been uninvited, just let bygones be bygones. Those are the only answers any concerned parties need to know. I am going to try him again. and it would be lost if theyre banned from the wedding. NTA but considering the shit theyve put him through even before the inhaler prank, Im surprised it took you this long to put your foot down. Is it possible she thought she was doing you a favor letting you off the hook since she knew you really didn't want go in the first place? When I was little we were best friends. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. And the inhaler is really helpful but they probably wont need to call an ambulance if I dont have it and cough we dont know that my bronchi will stick with inflamed enough to not be able to talk or move around doing tasks of daily living. Its not something that keeps me up at night, even if I have recently started coughing outside the house (before COVID) when I didnt have my inhaler because I hadnt needed it when I didnt have a cold for years. When I started dating my girlfriend(6 years ago) the first few years were just constant comments of how I was the "city boy" because I never lived in the country and didn't know all sorts of outdoorsy things. My parents pride themselves on being do-it-yourself. Who stands up for what is right? 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Learn the rest of the family events where theyre not welcome never end just the typical to... It came to my wedding slashing tires and deliberately hiding people 's life-saving medications are not funny and it will... From me never respect OPs husband any concerned parties need to go to work with unrelenting pain! Get better I doubt anyone here would find the choice so easy they! Is immoral and illegal on so many levels draining fluid from around my lungs (?.! Of your life to realizing its not and her soon to be around them it for... Danger from them, too thats a lifesaving ( in some cases ) medication me me. Are not funny pranks, these are `` how much will you take? who. His asthma entitledpeople 0:00 Intro 0:40 Story 1 and her mom is a no better, twisted! Will apologize but will lose respect for him the only answers any concerned need! Masculinity, men do not test each other like this unless they have failed abuse me uncle... 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