No matter how hard I try to not let it bother me, it does. Other than my parents, I have lost the beautiful relationship with my sister and family. Do I really have to explain that to you???!!! Pathetic! 39 Signs Your Boyfriend's Family Doesn't Like You. I think I was in denial. PS: If you want to make sure you are not making any mistakes that scare him away (back to his ex), I recommend you download a smallreport called The 5 most common texting mistakes that women make that scare guys away. Click here to receive it now for free. My wife abandon me and the kids and went to stay with her ex boyfriend after we got married. This woman clearly is traumatized. Thanks Joanna you nailed it, that about no middle ground, and that you must suck it up. I am going through the exact situation! Why miss out on some of lifes greatest memories with family and friends, lifes to short. It will cause more pain in the family. Happened with my father. Sorry to be rude but thats a ridiculous reply. Who wants to ride that emotional rollercoaster with people??? We arent friends but can get along enough to try to do whats best for our five kids. However, he did not beat my sister. But if youre a year down the line and he still hasnt introduced you to his friends and family? Am I wrong to want my family to be loyal to me. Even when I tried to explain myself my explanations were then judged. My ex is invited to every family holiday and family reunion.If I refuse to go because of him its canceled or theyll have one without inviting me.I havent had a family to speak of for 25 yrs.We once were close but after I divorced him he stayed at their house complaining that I divorced him.Never mind the fact that he cheated on me repeatedly and treated me horrendous.I guess they like him more than me honestly.I spend every holiday alone while he spends his with them.We have no family photos that dont have him in them.Hes been married twice since our divorce but is single again.Im a widow. I ask my family why they keep my ex family on as friends on face book? She continues to remain close to my in-laws. My Dad withheld information re my divorce that my ex had told him. I have never told her how i feel and Im not sure it would even matter to her since she has stabbed me in my back most of my life! It just seems so disrespectful and unsupportive, and I cant imagine why shed WANT to come to our home except as a way to validate that by having her there, we like her as much as we love him. com. I have a similar situation going on, but with a twist. My brother wouldnt even uninvite my ex to his wedding even though i was frightened of him. I dont know how to act at future family events at Holidays. Im so sorry youre feeling the way you are. Weve been divorced for almost 5 years and Ive talked to them about inviting him to stuff before. Maybe you have to hear their side of the story, and accept it. I would tell my sister about the emotional abuse I was going through with him and she would change subjects. Trust me. He is using your own family members to hurt you with. Why? Put the onus on them to keep asking you questions. If they cant get on board, its time for you to take that free time and find someone of your own and a new tribe of people who will value you. After a while he said he wanted to give her closure. I keep telling myself that someday they will see the true side of him. I feel sorry for your ex. I agree with you, its hard to see the world as a good place when going through something like this. This is exactly what my X has done to me and I have had to literally cut ties with my 6 brothers, their wives and my over 20 nephews and nieces. They tell me that hes still family because of all the time we spent together, but I got completely cut off from his family and yet I still have to share family gatherings on my side with him. You need to grow up butter cup! 8 Signs He Is NOT Over Her, How To Make Him Miss You Like Crazy After A Breakup 12 Simple Steps, He Says He Doesnt Want A Relationship? 2ndly..NO your not being un reasonable at all!! You remind me of my Stepmum who despite having been in abusive relationships herself said better the devil you know and oh but he works hard, not taking into account that I worked hard in my own way and was constantly being controlled and put down by my ex. Thats the day we all were finally able to really live and breathe. A slap in the face. I know its difficult but you are the much better person. Its not okay for them to have family fun with your whole family and you ex and his new girlfriend minus you. Just my opinion, Idk my family has gone as far as attempting to commit me to a hospital and my doctor said she felt thats best for her and everyone else. I relented to a 15 year old, because I figured it was a losing battle. The biggest indicating factor for the acknowledgement of the gray area from family is whether they actually ASK you first how you feel, OR how things are going with the divorce. Good luck! My familys happiness is way more important than some ridiculous grudge Ive held way too long to over an ex. My husbands ex still hangs with his family along with her new husband. His mom likes his ex. What I cant understand is how they dont understand they were played. My family done me the same way after we split up she place all the blame on me but they choose her word over mine it has been 13 Years and in the middle of the thirdteen years my mom past away from cancer so I had no one . This is unacceptable total betrayal. Youre their (blood) family. He abused me emotionally and physically. But that shows division and gives the ex and Mom the extra boost to their plans to break you two up, since the strategy seems to be working. I hope I can see him soon. Did she find someone new, get bored, etc? sincerity was never part of your relationship. we have a child together but that relationship does not involve my parents. I was better off when we werent speaking. He did tell me the other day that his ex was dating someone new, and that he was happy for her. It will not always be so hard for you. 17 yrs married and I cut ties with my family cuz they would rather hang out with my ex. I would never do that to them. So, if you're in a similar situation, dont panic talk about it with your partner. They dont replace the family I used to havebut tbh, as I look back, my sister and Mother who have chosen to support and sustain my ex, must not have been healthy to begin with. My mom told me later that night how she contacted (love solutiontemple .c o m) that did a spell to make my husband open up the truth and make him remorseful to come apologized. And good for the betteembet of yourself , I think the above comment is unfair. They were complicit in covering up. My sister has become great friends with my exs girlfriend. She should not be demanding that her family cut him off. I tried to make them understand how it felt like they were patting him on the back and letting him know hes a good person even though he did these things to me. We had no children. So thank you. Anyone have any advice for us? Thank you for this. You are so dead on when you suggested my x is a narcissist and very manipulative as well. We began seeing each other after he broke up with his ex-girlfriend only three months earlier. They never showed much interest in my brother or his children and after I ended contact they quickly lost what little interest they had. My Ex was not even a good father, never around and never knew his kids. Your ex sounds like a decent guy but for what ever reason you and he didnt hit it off beyond having kids together. Begged my sister and my mum to cut ties with him, at least until i got better, and they feel they cant. Friends and family couldnt and wouldnt believe the truth of what he had done. They did not care if I was there or not. The other thing I didnt see any of you mention, is that the OP is in need of some serious counseling. Shes been invited to my cousins wedding. But when we divorced they reached out to him to see how he was doing and not me. I want to die. Best of luck to you. There are so many scenarios revolving during the emotional mess of going through a divorce. And you dont have to accept invites. My family said they didnt want to get involved but they felt sorry for my ex and fed him info about me that put me and others in danger, they had him over for coffee, took him out be me I was left to fend for myself even when he threatened me and changed the locks and emptied the bank accounts. She is by my side all the time like when she was a little girl and I do all I can to try to make her feel enough love for the two of us. Oh thats nothing compared to what my husbands mom did. My therapist said I hurt because my family will never be what I wish it was. For one they are his kids too. If you tell your boyfriend how you feel no matter how painful it is or vulnerable you feel then you're being your true self with him. When he is at family functions she will sit right next to him the entire time and just talk and talk, and she will ignore me or look at me to see if it is bothering me. I cannot change them and will concentrate on the wonderful people who have supported me. I feel for you and pray that someday the truth comes to light. Its great for the kids. Why is it all right for him to be in my family with his girlfriends and it is not OK for me to be with the one I love? 10. Does he have family that he can attach himself to (instead of yours?). Now some people can make hanging out with ex after divorce work, even psychologists say it can work BUT ONLY IF THERE ARE NO CASES OF ABUSE. Its been 30 years. Accept it. You being close and sharing his family members for important family outings and exclude him. Its unrealistic to expect that this ex will suddenly be cut off, but I was cut off by my exs family and by own, so my experience was quite bizarre. I am so sorry for your loss. Blows my mind. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have us behind her, emotionally (the most important part) and financially (my parents) in her divorce. As I said, this is her problem and her problem alone. I was judged from the offset as the guilty one for initiating the divorce and they felt sorry for him and had no problems telling me so. I got him a job he loves and he loves being here with me. You need a new family. People with autism are afraid of change so he was afraid to move in with me, but also bc his father said it wasnt a good idea. Ive never missed a large child support payment, ever, in 7 years. Make sure you get along enough to try to do whats best for your kids" If a guy is sad for a day, its not a big deal. Its not easy. He did live with his father because he told my son he shouldnt live with me. Im beyond heartbroken. He still has his ex's photos and refuses to remove them. } Telling my(M38) ex-wife(F38) that my partner(F27) is My (30F) sister (27F) didnt tell me her girlfriend (33F) How to deal with women flirting and trying to get close Update: I (23f) introduced my brother in law (39m) to the [F30] [M33] husband thinks Im selfish for making him My (27m) gf (28f) cheated and then hid it from me because 40F, 40M. My exs personality disorder really spun me for a loop so I saw a therapist and covering this with the therapist they indicated it really shouldnt be a problem if the family thinks I am good and invites me and I think the same of them and accept then so be it its their choice, its my choice. I think you are creating unnecessary emotions for yourself. Partly because My Brother never liked my Ex-husband, and talked awful about him and never hung out with him. I guess I maybe miss interpreted the post or my post was misguiding . why did you breakup. I immediately filed for divorce. This your X continuing to control and manipulate you in any way that he possibly can! It has happened to me so I just keep away from them. They not thinking about you, sounds like they want you to be in misery. Perhaps instead of the wronged people being expected to do all the forgiving the enablers should take a long, hard look at their own behaviour and the part they played and ask for forgiveness themselves. I try to get over it because its past. This can create a certain vulnerability and fear, so you keep obsessing over his ex because you are afraid that he will go and relive those memories with his previous partner. My dad and brother wouldnt uninvite my abusive ex to my brothers wedding! She stopped letting us see him about 2 years ago.. It wouldnt go over well at all, but is that what it would take? No. But such extreme violence and other behavior isnt so easy to forget. You could draw the line and tell your boyfriend that you're not going to events as long as his ex is there. In fact, in some cases, a divorce is quite amicable and the couple remains friends. My ex told me he would take all of our friends and my family. At the beginning of the relationship, this caused a lot of hassle. Divorce is hardest for the 2 people involved, if family truly loves you, they would stop adding to the pain and help you move forward. You may think you had a close family but read about narcissism you may be able to look back and realise it was only close because you complied. She used to get so mad shed send her family angry texts which just made things worse. Divorce is such a bitch for women and they get no support. Invitr them. Looks like you have a good excuse to blame everything on her. I am starting to think that my daughter got brainwashed in college and has a High-Conflict Personality Disorder. Then I dont hear anything anymore. Because shes still in love with him. They would respect your wishes and distance themselves from the ex, not go out of their way to include him in every way. How would my grandchild live a normal life if I cut ties with her dad. My full brother went but after that my Dad never bothered with him again and has no interest in his grandchildren. In fact, when they are WITH, for example, the father, he can let them see his side of his family as much as he wants. The relationship is long over, but he still talks to her His friendship with his ex takes precedence over your relationship How to know if someone still loves their ex? I promise to share the good work of your temple once my husband return back to me, Thing dont just work out until you make the right choice in your life, I made the right choice when i contacted priest manuka for help in restoring my broken marriage. At day's end, you're an ex of her brother's, not the first and certainly not the last, and he is her brother forever. I feel boundaries are being crossed and so is loyalty. During my divorce, we attended a seminar coping with divorce that explained from the point of view from the children. They were all aware that he was an absentee and that he continues to terrorize and abuse me . Meanwhile he tries to rewrite history with my adult kids. It seems that the people who act this way have no insight into behaviour, no empathy etc or they are too weak and lack moral fibre. If one spouse wants out while the other remains committed to the family, why should the committed partner be forced out of the relationships he or shes built? Its your choice, I personally would have a talk with them and explain how you feel and if that still doesnt stop them from seeing him you will have to either accept it or cut them off. We moved our families from California to Utah together and used to do everything together (vacations, outings, shopping, etc.). My ex has married twice since we divorced and just got a facebook account. It is an eye revealer and you should thank God for exposing them. He gets upset when his ex is dating someone new 5. You are kind of making things more complicated then it needs to be. 5. Start researching!!! His ex is still in your lives by hanging out with his family and shes being talked about in front of you. Decent guy but for what ever reason you and pray that someday will... Them. 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